Samhain Night: a Night of the Sacred, a Night of the Profane

Samhain with younger kids is always a balance between the sacredness of the thinning of the veil and the profane (everyday or non-sacred) of dressing up in silly costumes to collect as much candy as possible. Neither is more or less important to the joy of the holiday.

That is a contradiction that I have learned to embrace. The kitschy, even materialistic, aspects of a Holy Day can be as spiritually and emotionally satisfying as any ritual in the heart of a child.

Combining the two will leave the spiritual forever entwined with costumes at Samhain, or (conscientious) gifting at Yule, or feasting at any of the Sabbats.

Isn't that what the goal really is? To make the spiritual so much a part of life that is a natural part of it?

That's what I'm hoping for. No matter if the kids stay Pagan throughout their lives, they will always feel that extra awe of the sacred in the midst of holiday minutiae. 

Pagan Parent Confessional: I Had PPD & No One Knew

Full disclosure: I didn't have adequate time or insurance coverage, so I was never diagnosed. This is my assessment of my own mental state after both of my pregnancies, with three years of pre-med college, two years of working in the medical field, and a healthy respect for the fallacies of self-diagnosis.

I plastered on a smile when I went to work every day. I spent most of the day ignoring my co-workers, skipping breaks, and seeing how many days in a row I could get away without speaking a single word to anyone. I maintained a strict daily schedule to be able to get to work on time, wash laundry, and occasionally get groceries.

Speaking of groceries - for nearly five years, there wasn't a single trip to the grocery store that didn't end with me crying in bed for an hour.

Symptoms of PPD

• Anxiety - Like being either terrified or just numb every time I went out in public with my kid(s).
• Depression - A complete lack of motivation to do anything 90% of the time. Habit was my only friend.
• Mood swings - Crying jags, rage, fierce protectiveness.
• Irritability - Oh, yeah. I broke up with my now hubby because I found out I was pregnant again.
• Loss of interest - In people. In activities. In living.
• Thoughts of harming self or the child - Let me be perfectly clear. The first year, for both kids, this was a DAILY thing. Every single day. Either I wanted to be dead, or I had thoughts of hurting my kid(s). Every. Single. Day.

But How Did I Hide It?

Oh, I'm good. See, I'm the ultimate altruist. When I decided to go through with my pregnancies, I formally accepted the obligation to see these children into adulthood to the best of my ability. I literally made an oath.

Because of that, my feelings on the matter didn't matter. I shut the emotions away and made a schedule to keep us going even when I could barely string two words together without sobbing, and that was that. Score one for dissociation.

Years of being an introvert stuck in customer service jobs taught me how to fake a real-looking smile. Compartmentalization allowed me to enjoy brief moments of interaction in the midst of nearly constant emotional self-abuse.

It probably also helped that my friends never visited and seldom called, so how would they know? My parents helped, but got frustrated, and I simply accepted what was offered, seldom even asking for more.

And I just plain didn't speak about my pain. To anyone. If I spoke to anyone at all.

How Did I Get Through It?

Well, one could argue that I didn't. I still have flashbacks and crying jags over this stuff, which is now close to 8 years gone. I can't talk about it without feeling guilty because 1) I chose to keep my kids, 2) I actually do love my kids, 3) I was never diagnosed, and 4) nothing bad actually happened.

Secondly, I reached out once, to one person, and he responded. After my second was born, I found myself struggling once more. And I realized I missed him. I talked to him online and looked for signs that he'd grown a bit - I really couldn't tell you if he had or if I'd just been hoping - and I offered to let him move in with me.

I have since been slowly working with the pain - shadow work, the never-ending cycle of shadow work. I occasionally find a new detail or depth that I'd missed. And it all comes up again.

Mostly, I just feel disappointed. I feel cheated about my pregnancies, about my birth experiences, about my kids' infancy. Like, I could have enjoyed all of them more, if only...

So What?

So... help new mothers. It doesn't have to be much. Visit for an afternoon. Take her a meal. Hold the baby while she showers. Call. Talk to her about her, not the baby. So many women feel like their identities are overwhelmed by their new role as baby's mom. Visit again.

Even a new mom who doesn't have PPD needs these connections. Someone to listen to them. Someone to help them remember themselves. Someone to care about them.

This is sacred work. This is caring for the newly born Mother. This is mourning the Maiden's passing. This is celebrating life cycles in all their dirty, messy, chaotic, natural state. This is community and priest/essing.

This is Paganism.

The Nine Noble Virtues: a Modern Take - Self-Reliance (Cross-post)

Originally posted HERE.

The Nine Noble Virtues are a modern invention, so it seems my title is redundant. However, little seems to have been done to bring the concepts themselves from the past into the present.

I do not consider the NNV to be a historical reference. I do consider them to be a modern way of understanding cultural and even subconscious values that were stressed, if not perfectly, by those peoples lumped together as Norsemen.

This series will explore my thoughts on these values and, hopefully, start conversations about them in a modern context.

Self-reliance may be one of the most misunderstood concepts, in my oh-so humble opinion. We look at it from the highly individualist perspective of western culture, rather than the tribal lifestyle that the Norse peoples lived.

This means that we like to take the Libertarian road, where we would all do just fine so long as we were left to our own devices. But that's not how humanity has ever survived. We are horrible at being on our own.

Did you know that the top two factors in surviving in the wilderness are 1) being able to create fire, and 2) having someone with you? Even one other person can be the difference between life and death. So why would we need self-reliance?

Because self-reliance doesn't mean going through life alone. It has more to do with not being what is often referred to as a "sheeple." (Read Ralph Waldo Emerson for more.)

That's right. This isn't about growing your own food and building your own homes. Barn-raisings were a thing, and for good reason. That's a lot of work, and many hands make it better.

But if you don't think for yourself - understanding the group's mindset, but still looking at it critically - you are just a mindless body for the society. Mindless bodies don't make history. Mindless bodies don't make a society grow. Mindless bodies don't call out injustices and point out logic holes.

Thinking for yourself, being able to use your mind as an individual, makes you an invaluable part of any group. It doesn't replace the group, and the group doesn't replace it. Society isn't a machine, needing virtually identical cogs to function. It is a living, growing - dare I say enlightening - structure that should be promoting growth from all of its members.

Growth doesn't come from conformity. It comes from being slightly different. Small mutations in genes lead to new species. Small mutations in thought lead to new ideas, inventions, better ways of living... and, of course, STORIES!

Because stories feed us in ways that cannot be explained by biology. Stories feed our souls, and new stories are not created from static thinking.

So be self-reliant, not in some crazy, build-your-own-roads kind of way (unless that's what you really want...). Be self-reliant in that you consider ideas in your own way, you look at messages from the media and political propaganda with a critical eye. Those things that you've been fed by social conditioning? Think about them again, and be your own self in your beliefs.

Lammas: Settling Down and Celebrating Self

This post is also available HERE.

Each Sabbat brings with it a special meaning as part of the wheel of the year. The journey through the seasons is not just a physical one, but also mental and spiritual.

As we approach each Sabbat, we can grow with the seasons when we know the lessons each one brings us. This series explores the Sabbats' spiritual meaning in the context of modern Pagans.

Lammas is the time of year when we stop pushing the gas pedal. We aren't really slowing down, but we stop the energetic acceleration that began in the spring.

We begin to look forward to the more relaxed and introspective schedule of the dark half of the year, but we know we have some loose ends to tie up first.

This first harvest of three is a good time to look at what is growing in your life, what has borne fruit, and what needs to be pruned or cut out to keep the rest of the harvest healthy. It is also the time to begin celebrating your successes and gains. You've worked hard to make a plan and carry it out.

When those first grains give you a taste of the benefit of your efforts, you need to celebrate for it. Celebrate yourself for your work. Celebrate the gods for their aide. And celebrate the world we live in for everything we manage to accomplish.

It is important for us to celebrate, and even congratulate ourselves for, our accomplishments. We sweep so much of our work and efforts under the rug because it is just doing what is expected. But that minimizes us as effective and active participants in our own lives, and minimizes the energy we expend to improve our lives and the world around us.

This Lammas, take the time to celebrate you and what you have done. You deserve it.

The Nine Noble Virtues: a Modern Take - Industriousness

This was republished from HERE.

The Nine Noble Virtues are a modern invention, so it seems my title is redundant. However, little seems to have been done to bring the concepts themselves from the past into the present.

I do not consider the NNV to be a historical reference. I do consider them to be a modern way of understanding cultural and even subconscious values that were stressed, if not perfectly, by those peoples lumped together as Norsemen.

This series will explore my thoughts on these values and, hopefully, start conversations about them in a modern context.

Industriousness is an interesting subject in the modern sense. We like to believe that, in most ways, we are more lazy and less productive than our forefathers had been, and that we should get back to the good ol' days of hard, honest work.

However, numbers do not lie. Thanks to the advantages of technology, we produce more than ever before with less physical effort.

And that seems to be the crux of it all. Less physical effort.

We used to have to move our bodies to do everything. We had simple machines to help with the task, but hand-sewing and machine sewing are two very different animals. There are even machines that knit for us!

The truth of the matter is, we didn't used to work all that hard, either. Historically, the Jewish literally didn't even cook on Saturdays, and the good Christians ate cold food on Sundays... after spending all day at church. Yeah, all day.

Have you ever read the poem about what day you do what chore? This was COMMON! For families with eight or nine kids! I have two kids and we have to run a load of laundry every day to keep up.

Why? Because we change our clothes every day. And bathe every day.

Historically, bathing was a once a week or once a month activity. You had maybe two or three outfits for everyday, and a good shirt or dress for your religion day.

Clothes were made sturdier, yes, but they also were worn every single day for a whole week, unless something majorly dirty or damaging happened to them. Women wore aprons because aprons are easier to wash and mend then dresses.

And fun was spending an entire day travelling a few miles away for a barn raising, potluck and dance. Three days spent just to socialize! And that kind of thing happened a lot.

The problem isn't that we are lazier. We just have more efficiency, but with the same idea of what it means to work hard. Industriousness needs a redefinition, and this is my suggestion for that.

Industriousness is doing what you can in the current social system with your resources. It is acknowledging that intellectual and managerial work is just as valid as physical work, and vice versa. In many ways, it also means understanding the ways that work and production and income have grown, sometimes in vastly different and opposite ways.

Industriousness is about making yourself a part of a successful local and larger economy, improving the lives of those who are dependent on you and interact with you, and instilling your values of a productive life on those who come after you.

This can mean a person who works two jobs to support their family, but it can also mean the spouse/partner who stays home to keep all the balls in the air on that end. It can be a blue-collar worker who sweats through their shift, or the HR manager who makes sure employees are paid and treated fairly. It can be the loyal worker of 40 years, or the protesters who urge governments and companies to respect that loyalty.

Industriousness has become more complex as our society and economy have grown, but the value of working for the betterment of your kith and kin has not.

Mother Goddess, Immigrant Children, and the Pain of Social Consciousness

All throughout my social media feeds, I am inundated. Children crying, screaming, for their parents. People begging not to be sent back to the country they fled to save their lives. And my own people - Pagans who feel the compassion of Oneness, of Gaia as Mother to All, yet cannot stop the wailing that we, the United States, has caused.

This is a tragic time for us, living through this time of horrific deeds shared worldwide, unedited, unfiltered, in an instant. We see all of the pain and joy of everyone, for the first time, getting a taste of how overwhelming it must be to have omniscience.

There is no way to describe this new way of living. It used to be that a small handful of photos, taken by a war correspondent, printed months after the fact, could shock us as a nation. Now, those photos are shared, meme'd and seen hundreds of times.

It is easy to become numb. It is easy to mute the videos and the audio recordings. It is all in our faces, and it is easy to push them away to protect ourselves.

What isn't easy is the realization that this choice could place us on the wrong side of history. What isn't easy is plowing through contradictions and lies to find the facts. What isn't easy is to open our hearts and hear what the gods are telling us. What isn't easy is to take a stand and to be vocal about it.

In truth, nothing about this is easy. But that's the point. Life isn't easy. It isn't supposed to be. Life is a mountain. You don't get to the top by complaining about the incline.

As a Heathen, I believe in certain values. First, in my heart is the value of Hosting, or Hospitality. It is my duty as a human on this earth to aide travelers, visitors, and those fleeing danger. It is my honor to provide for them, knowing that someday they or their children will do the same for another.

As a mother, I believe in a single rule: Always protect the children. This is non-negotiable, and I accept that others may need to be... um, removed to do this.

As a Pagan, a member of a minority religion, I believe that every right and generous action given to women, minorities, immigrants, etc. PROTECTS my rights. In a fascist situation, I will be one of the last to have my rights stripped. I will not let it get to me and my children. The rights of more vulnerable people literally protect my rights.

So there's some things to consider as we all struggle through this mess.

What are you doing about this situation? Are you good with your choice? Should you be?

Pagan Children's Books Litha Newsletter

See the full Newsletter here.

It's time for Litha!

School is out! Our plans for the year are either in full swing or coming up soon! This time of year can be hectic and frustrating, and so much fun!

This would be a good time for kids and families to make some time to breathe. Camp and vacation is great, but are you stopping to enjoy everything along the way?

Don't be afraid to let things go, to say "no" to an activity, to just have a movie night instead of cramming another day-trip or public event in. And don't forget to check in with the rest of the family. Are they enjoying what's going on, or are they stressed from rushing around? Maybe they want more, maybe less.

Remember that the growth of your kids requires some down-time, even at this time of year.


There are some great activities you can do just for Litha. I'm pretty big on developing life skills, so I tend to focus on things that will help kids learn to take care of themselves later on.

Here's some ideas for helping kids get their summer groove on to celebrate this time of bounty and beauty.

Beltaine: Celebrating the Fullness of Life

This post is also available HERE.

Each Sabbat brings with it a special meaning as part of the wheel of the year. The journey through the seasons is not just a physical one, but also mental and spiritual.

As we approach each Sabbat, we can grow with the seasons when we know the lessons each one brings us. This series explores the Sabbats' spiritual meaning in the context of modern Pagans.

Beltaine is the time of year when we celebrate the fertility all around us. But fertility doesn't just mean producing biological offspring.

We, as humans, produce many things. We have the minds, the drive towards technology, the ability to create in the most awe inspiring ways. It is this that is the spark of the divine, and celebrating fertility means celebrating that spark in all its forms.

Whether you focus on raising children or organizing activities, whether you create works of art or craft items both beautiful and practical, you are manifesting the Divine Mother, the fertile earth, the Seed of the Wild God.

It is important for us to remember that even the most basic of activities can be divine. We can be founders of companies, making changes to honor the others in our work, or we can be "burger flippers," contributing to the conveniences that nourish our communities as we push for even more in our world.

How do you honor the divine in your work? What dreams of fertility do you hold dear?

Pagan Children's Books Beltaine Newsletter

View original HERE

The next Sabbat is just around the corner! Check out our thoughts on summer fun - tell us how you like it on our FB page!

Blessed be, <<First Name>>! It is once again Beltaine in the northern hemisphere! The school year is almost over, and the hot season will be upon us quickly. This is a great time to talk to kids about accomplishing their goals, and encouraging habits such as walking (instead of driving those few blocks), and recycling and neighborhood trash pick-up. Parents, what values do you want your kids to really understand this year? What activities will help with that understanding? What small but mighty activities can you encourage? Get your goals a-growing with some easy activities that keep your kids thinking and spotlight the values YOU want to instill! ABC Book of Goddesses is a great choice for birthdays or bedtime reading! The school year is almost over, but kids never stop learning. There are a few things that you can do over the summer to keep those young minds busy. If you've been working with your kids on planting the seeds for their yearly goals, now is the time to put those into action! Summer Camp. Whether it's a day camp or a week of overnights, camps can be a great way to immerse kids into an activity. There are music camps, sports camps, camping camps, and more. Check out what is in your area and talk about the options. Make sure you discuss budgets, too - those camps can get pricey! Museums/Zoos. If you are fortunate enough to live in a place with a good museum or zoo, consider getting a membership. Kids can spend hours going through exhibits, and many museums and zoos have kids' areas where they can play and explore with only a little adult oversight. (Letting kids learn for themselves is a great way to foster their own interests AND build self-esteem!) Scouting. Spiral scouts, girl scouts, or boy scouts (now open to girls, too) can be a great way to give kids a social outlet with goal-oriented rewards. Badges can cover all levels of ability and skill. It's well worth checking out. Libraries. Consider having a library day - one day each week when you make a trip to the local book habitat. Spend some time browsing, check out story time, and take a few home to read throughout the week. Nature walking the neighborhood. Challenge kids to find plants and animals throughout the neighborhood. Or go to a nearby park for your walks. Have a notebook handy to write down more interesting specimens, then see what videos and pictures you can find on the internet to expand your knowledge!

Parenting Minutia & Parenting Goals

It is really easy to get caught up in the little things.

Yes, we should stop and enjoy the little things, like snuggle piles, inside jokes, and bad 80s family movies. But that's not what I'm talking about here.

I'm talking about the micromanaging, the over-scheduling, the nitpicking. And I'm not judging. We all do it, at times. We all get stressed about things and over-reach with our time. We all want to make a good impression at the family reunion or going out to a nice dinner. We all feel that pressure.

That's fine. Don't beat yourself up over that. But also, don't make that your parenting focus.

There are entire articles dedicated to informing pregnant women how to get on a wait-list for a preschool, which feeds into an elementary school, which feeds into a high school, which virtually guarantees an Ivy League acceptance letter. It's really hard to see that and not think, holy canoli, am I denying my kid by not pursuing this?

The short answer is no.

The long answer is nooooooo. And there are studies to prove it.

The kind of parenting that focuses on such little details is often called helicopter parenting. Over-scheduling, micro-managing, etc, are characteristics of a controlled type of family life, which allows little to no room for error. Not for the kids, not for t
he parents.

While it certainly can relieve the anxiety surrounding parenting in a high-pressure society, it actually can harm the kids. Not in a violently abusive way, but in a subtle, undermining way.

See, kids need to learn to be people. That's what their job is. It isn't to check off a bunch of boxes on their way to a graduate degree. It's to develop the skills that will serve them for the rest of their lives.

The ironic thing is that teaching that is actually considered a more "lazy" form of parenting.

Letting your toddler explore the playground - and possibly scrape her knee - teaches that a bit of pain isn't the end of the world. Yes, comfort her, but don't try to save her. She'll just learn that she needs to be saved.

Letting your kids roam the neighborhood (to the degree that it is reasonably safe) with other kids teaches them to form and navigate relationships, and to get creative with their play. Bonus: you can talk to them about their day, because you weren't there the whole time, and give them advice if they seem to be having trouble with someone.

Demanding chores is a big one. I am not a maid. It's never been a fun thing for me. Satisfying, sometimes, but never pleasant. My kids do chores because they live here, too. My husband and I still do the lion's share, but they can rotate laundry, put dishes away, vacuum, and even cook - quite a bit.

Because of this, they often express satisfaction and pride in what they can do. Don't get me wrong, they still complain a lot when it's time to do the work, but they know they can do it, and that makes them feel like they can do other things, too. Plus, I won't be getting calls from college because they don't know how to run a washing machine.

So, how did I get here? How do I stay on course when social pressures are getting to me?

I decided a long time ago that my only goal as a parent was to produce an adult that was as successful and independent as their physical and mental abilities would allow. I revisit this idea often, reminding myself that I've seen grown men who outsource their laundry because washing clothes was a "girl's chore" or people who have to spend more money on food because they can't even make grilled cheese or spaghetti. And I don't blame them, entirely.

Parents need to teach their kids to be good adults, first by learning basics with supervision, then by taking on more and more responsibilities for themselves. And responsibility is a very Pagan quality.

Ostara: a Time of Growth

This post is also available here.

Each Sabbat brings with it a special meaning as part of the wheel of the year. The journey through the seasons is not just a physical one, but also mental and spiritual.

As we approach each Sabbat, we can grow with the seasons when we know the lessons each one brings us. This series explores the Sabbats' spiritual meaning in the context of modern Pagans.

Ostara is the Spring Equinox, straddling the line between the cold Winter nights and the warm days of Spring and Summer. While Imbolc brings the light to the year, the warmth of that light takes a bit longer, welcomed by Ostara.

This marks the time when we need to get serious about getting things planted. If we haven't started yet, the time is coming soon. Seeds should be sorted, plots of land mapped out - the future depends on whether we plant the right stuff to harvest and eat in the winter.

This applies to our metaphorical seeds, as well. Soon, we will no longer be trapped indoors by the weather. We will be free to do all the activities we need to. The days are still getting longer, giving us more time and energy to be active.

What "seeds" are you preparing for this year? What plans do you make?

Pagan Children's Books Ostara Newsletter

The next Sabbat is just around the corner! Check out this list on goal setting for Pagan children - tell us how you like it on our FB page! View this email in your browser

Blessed be, <<First Name>>! Ostara is about to blossom forth in nature. This Sabbat is about the first signs of growth in the new year. This means the sprouting of the first seeds - whether floral or spiritual. What seeds have you planted? What goals have you set up? If you haven't started working on them yet, now is the time to do so! Work done now has the added energy of what we plant now, we shall harvest. This means more oomph to get it accomplished. That means now is the time to set up abundance spells, now is the time to be generous, and now is the time to start projects that you want to have solid results. ABC Book of Goddesses is a great choice for birthdays or bedtime reading! Look for the things you want to grow and change this year, and get the ball rolling for it! This is a skill set, to make goals happen. And it is one that kids are never too young (or old) to start learning. Here's some steps to teach them! Clarify your goal. Make sure you know exactly what you want. Break it down. Go for daily, weekly and/or monthly steps to accomplish the task. Give it a deadline. Determine when you want it done. Do the same for each step. Clarify if the deadline is firm or flexible. Set up a task list. Make the steps easy to see and understand, then add a box - you can check it off or add a sticker, etc. when it is done. Help kids do the tasks themselves. It is so much easier to research summer camps yourself. Instead, narrow it down to fewer choices and let the kids decide. A guideline to keep it real is - no more than half the kid's age plus one (A 3yo gets two choices, a 10yo gets up to six, etc.) Walk them through pros and cons lists. Show kids how to evaluate choices by making a list of benefits and drawbacks. You can talk about priorities (cost may be a more important factor than location), how each choice would effect others (can mom or dad handle packing a lunch every day for a week of day camp?), etc. Don't forget the spells! Help kids write and work spells to aid their goals. Talk about effects, costs, correspondences, gods, and techniques to teach them how to determine if and what kind of spells to use.

Pagan Children's Books Imbolc Newsletter

Check out the Pagan Children's Books Imbolc Newsletter! You can sign up for the newsletter HERE. The next Sabbat is just around the corner! Check out how to make yearly goals - tell us how you like it on our FB page! Blessed be! Imbolc is upon us, and that means it is time to take the introspection of the dark of the year and begin making plans. It is also a new semester in school - a fresh start without the uncomfortable fears of the unknown. Even better, Pagan festival season is on the horizon. This would be a good time for kids and families to start working on ideas for the coming warm weather. Perhaps the little ones would like to go to day camp this summer. Maybe the family vacation choice is looming. Where would you like to go this year? What accomplishments would your child like to have under their belt? Who would you like to connect with or learn from? Begin the conversation and plant the seeds for the coming year! ABC Book of Goddesses is a great choice for birthdays or bedtime reading! It's never too late to make your yearly resolutions, promises and plans. Involving the kids makes them feel like they are a part of the family goals, and more likely to participate in the fun and work involved. Here's some ideas for helping kids get their ideas down in words and real, workable plans.   Brainstorm. Have a few words to throw out to get things going. Use colored markers and a big piece of construction paper or a dry-erase board to write down the ideas. Lay down the basic rules: take turns, no wrong answers, no making fun of answers, etc. Narrow down the ideas to a few goals. This is where you will need to think about time, money and age constraints. Have more goals than you can actually accomplish, but not too many more. Talk about prioritizing goals and why some goals may be unlikely (being an astronaut at 6 yo is nice, but unrealistic because NASA has rules about that). Check out alternatives. If a goal is deemed unrealistic, talk about why that is and what could be done instead. If the 6 yo wants to be an astronaut, talk about space camp or astronomy as an alternative. Make an outline. Use the general idea as the title, and help the kids come up with steps to take to make it happen. Kids will love seeing big ideas break down into easy goals. Take a big piece of paper and use webbing to show splits and connections for a fun alternative to traditional outline formats. Set up a checklist for kids to follow. Kids like to mark things off, and if they know what they need to do next, they are likely to surprise you with their ability to get it done. Make it age appropriate with small words or pictures for younger kids. Older kids might use a planner that you can help them fill out! Watch the kids go! Stand back unless they seriously need help. Achieving goals by themselves is key to developing self-efficacy in their adult years.