Pagan Children's Books Beltaine Newsletter

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The next Sabbat is just around the corner! Check out our thoughts on summer fun - tell us how you like it on our FB page!

Blessed be, <<First Name>>! It is once again Beltaine in the northern hemisphere! The school year is almost over, and the hot season will be upon us quickly. This is a great time to talk to kids about accomplishing their goals, and encouraging habits such as walking (instead of driving those few blocks), and recycling and neighborhood trash pick-up. Parents, what values do you want your kids to really understand this year? What activities will help with that understanding? What small but mighty activities can you encourage? Get your goals a-growing with some easy activities that keep your kids thinking and spotlight the values YOU want to instill! ABC Book of Goddesses is a great choice for birthdays or bedtime reading! The school year is almost over, but kids never stop learning. There are a few things that you can do over the summer to keep those young minds busy. If you've been working with your kids on planting the seeds for their yearly goals, now is the time to put those into action! Summer Camp. Whether it's a day camp or a week of overnights, camps can be a great way to immerse kids into an activity. There are music camps, sports camps, camping camps, and more. Check out what is in your area and talk about the options. Make sure you discuss budgets, too - those camps can get pricey! Museums/Zoos. If you are fortunate enough to live in a place with a good museum or zoo, consider getting a membership. Kids can spend hours going through exhibits, and many museums and zoos have kids' areas where they can play and explore with only a little adult oversight. (Letting kids learn for themselves is a great way to foster their own interests AND build self-esteem!) Scouting. Spiral scouts, girl scouts, or boy scouts (now open to girls, too) can be a great way to give kids a social outlet with goal-oriented rewards. Badges can cover all levels of ability and skill. It's well worth checking out. Libraries. Consider having a library day - one day each week when you make a trip to the local book habitat. Spend some time browsing, check out story time, and take a few home to read throughout the week. Nature walking the neighborhood. Challenge kids to find plants and animals throughout the neighborhood. Or go to a nearby park for your walks. Have a notebook handy to write down more interesting specimens, then see what videos and pictures you can find on the internet to expand your knowledge!

Parenting Minutia & Parenting Goals

It is really easy to get caught up in the little things.

Yes, we should stop and enjoy the little things, like snuggle piles, inside jokes, and bad 80s family movies. But that's not what I'm talking about here.

I'm talking about the micromanaging, the over-scheduling, the nitpicking. And I'm not judging. We all do it, at times. We all get stressed about things and over-reach with our time. We all want to make a good impression at the family reunion or going out to a nice dinner. We all feel that pressure.

That's fine. Don't beat yourself up over that. But also, don't make that your parenting focus.

There are entire articles dedicated to informing pregnant women how to get on a wait-list for a preschool, which feeds into an elementary school, which feeds into a high school, which virtually guarantees an Ivy League acceptance letter. It's really hard to see that and not think, holy canoli, am I denying my kid by not pursuing this?

The short answer is no.

The long answer is nooooooo. And there are studies to prove it.

The kind of parenting that focuses on such little details is often called helicopter parenting. Over-scheduling, micro-managing, etc, are characteristics of a controlled type of family life, which allows little to no room for error. Not for the kids, not for t
he parents.

While it certainly can relieve the anxiety surrounding parenting in a high-pressure society, it actually can harm the kids. Not in a violently abusive way, but in a subtle, undermining way.

See, kids need to learn to be people. That's what their job is. It isn't to check off a bunch of boxes on their way to a graduate degree. It's to develop the skills that will serve them for the rest of their lives.

The ironic thing is that teaching that is actually considered a more "lazy" form of parenting.

Letting your toddler explore the playground - and possibly scrape her knee - teaches that a bit of pain isn't the end of the world. Yes, comfort her, but don't try to save her. She'll just learn that she needs to be saved.

Letting your kids roam the neighborhood (to the degree that it is reasonably safe) with other kids teaches them to form and navigate relationships, and to get creative with their play. Bonus: you can talk to them about their day, because you weren't there the whole time, and give them advice if they seem to be having trouble with someone.

Demanding chores is a big one. I am not a maid. It's never been a fun thing for me. Satisfying, sometimes, but never pleasant. My kids do chores because they live here, too. My husband and I still do the lion's share, but they can rotate laundry, put dishes away, vacuum, and even cook - quite a bit.

Because of this, they often express satisfaction and pride in what they can do. Don't get me wrong, they still complain a lot when it's time to do the work, but they know they can do it, and that makes them feel like they can do other things, too. Plus, I won't be getting calls from college because they don't know how to run a washing machine.

So, how did I get here? How do I stay on course when social pressures are getting to me?

I decided a long time ago that my only goal as a parent was to produce an adult that was as successful and independent as their physical and mental abilities would allow. I revisit this idea often, reminding myself that I've seen grown men who outsource their laundry because washing clothes was a "girl's chore" or people who have to spend more money on food because they can't even make grilled cheese or spaghetti. And I don't blame them, entirely.

Parents need to teach their kids to be good adults, first by learning basics with supervision, then by taking on more and more responsibilities for themselves. And responsibility is a very Pagan quality.