Jölnir's Ride: a Norse Pagan Yule Story

Jölnir (yul-near) rode his eight-legged horse, Sleipnir (shlep-near), through the starry night. It was the eve of Yule, the night of the winter solstice, and Jölnir had an important job to do. Two of them, in fact.

You see, Jölnir was actually Odin, the king of the Norse gods. From Samhain until Beltaine, Odin would lead a group of hounds and warriors called the Wild Hunt. This is because Odin has the ability to send away ghosts and spirits that travel the world during the dark months and might try to harm us.

In old Norse times, there wasn’t electricity and heaters in people’s homes. They didn’t have the medicines that we have today. So winter was very hard and, sometimes, people got very sick. They believed that sickness was caused by ghosts who were angry that they had died but didn’t go to Valhalla and were bitter that the people were still alive.

Jölnir would race across the land, hunting the ghosts and spirits, and sending them to the afterlife where they belonged. His hounds and his warriors helped him.

The other job Jölnir had to do was to give rewards to children who had been kind. Because the winters were so hard, it was very important to the Norse people to help each other whenever possible. Giving someone a coat or a piece of bread could keep them from starving or freezing to death, which would turn the person into an angry ghost.

Children who were kind and helped people made Jölnir’s job much easier. The children would leave their boots by the chimney or the door with a blöt, an offering to the gods, which was usually yummy food like cookies!

Jölnir would visit children who had been very nice and he would accept their blöt by eating the cookies. Then, he would leave little wooden toys or candies inside their boots as a reward.

Today, we leave stockings out, instead of boots, and we put milk with the cookies. Jölnir goes by the name Santa Claus, and he has eight reindeer instead of a horse with eight legs. But he still has a great white beard and fur on his coat, and he loves to give presents to children who have been kind.

Being Childless is a Developing Privilege: the growth of discrimination against living with kids

As a parent, a Pagan and an activist, I have participated in many conversations over the last two or three years about privilege. I have learned (by listening to others) about how white privilege works, how male privilege works and, more recently, how thin privilege works. Each of these conversations has given me pause, had me nodding with agreement, or sent me off to wrestle with my own understanding about my own privilege.

Pictured: the perfect child, a mythological creature

At some point, recently,  the idea of childless privilege began forming. It took me a while to really get a grasp on it, because a person can stop having childless privilege (by having children) and then re-gain childless privilege (when children grow to a certain age). Additionally, like most types of privilege, there is a lot of intersectionality involved. Wealthy parents can afford to pay for a nanny or more periodic childcare. Poor parents get much more of the brunt of psychological and financial tolls due to the fact that they can't afford to hide their child from public view until the child is of age to have more control over their own behavior. Racial minorities may have their parenting judged more harshly because of their race. All of these are valid, and they help cloud the issue.


Before I address the topic of childless privilege, I want to make sure a few things are understood.

No, I don't think that the issues surrounding thin privilege or childless privilege are on the same level as racial discrimination and white privilege. They are all issues, but they are not all equal in how systemic or oppressive they are.

Yes, I do think that this is an issue. And my perception is that it is getting worse (ie, more oppressive and systemic).

No, I don't hate people who engage in this type of oppression. I actually feel like they are missing out on an opportunity to have empathy for people that they have little in common with.

No, I don't think that people with childless privilege are inherently bad people. They just have privilege.

Yes, I know. That one kid is actually a brat and deserves [punitive measure] in spades. We all know that one kid. So I'm going to respond with a tongue-in-cheek #NotAllPreschoolers

What does privilege mean?

Privilege, in a nutshell, means that when all else is equal, someone has an advantage due to [characteristic]. To reverse that, the presence or absence of a characteristic creates a disadvantage to one of the players.

This disadvantage generally occurs on a level of social acceptance/discrimination, but also tends to have a heavy psychological toll in the form of judgment and stereotyping. Frequently, the disadvantage has a direct or indirect financial and experiential cost to the unprivileged party. Wealth is often a buffer against the negative effects of being a part of the unprivileged group.

Lastly, the privilege is most often enacted by the privileged group or the system on behalf of the privileged group, and for often vague reasons relating to "standards" and/or the generalized judgment of the unprivileged group.

So how is there privilege in not having children?

To put this into context, I am making certain assumptions about parenting, which, in my own experience and by the comments of other parents, are true.

Firstly, I am assuming that a child's overall behavior is largely unaffected by individual instances of parenting. For example, a noisy child is going to be noisy, regardless of whether the parent tells them to stop, etc. A kinetic (always moving) child is going to be kinetic. As much as all parents wish they had well-behaved kids, it just doesn't happen that often. To force "perfect" behavior on a child that isn't naturally inclined to that type of behavior requires years of practice, the self-control that comes from being older, or years of physical or psychological abuse to ingrain such behavior on the child. Harsh, but true. Most kids don't sit still. Truthfully, most adults don't either, we just tend to put more judgment on the ways that kids fidget. (This article outlines several reasons why kids can't sit still; only two can be classified as parenting issues.)

Be mini-me! No talking back, just do it!

Secondly, I am assuming that parents are, for the most part, doing the best they can. No one knows a child as well as the parents, but parents aren't able to predict their child's behavior perfectly, nor control the circumstances of a situation (such as having the option of taking the child home when traveling, or dealing with a child during less than ideal weather).
One comment that I see in a variety of forms is that the child is a reflection of the parent(s) and/or parenting. I wish. I often stare at my kids wondering where they got *that* particular phrase/habit/information from. I know half the time it's from their friends at school. The other half... maybe aliens? If I could control all the things that they know/do/say, I would have a lot less stress in my life. If you believe this, then I ask you: are you merely a reflection of YOUR parents and their parenting? Really?

Thirdly, I am generalizing parents to not include issues particular to any other privilege or discriminatory intersections. This means that I am not taking into account wealthy parents, or parents of children with physical disabilities, birth defects, or severe learning disorders.

Fourthly, I'm not going to go over the huge costs of standard childcare, or the Australian study that estimated the monetary value of a mother's stress at $48,000 AUS. After all, if I got paid fair value for what I do for my children, I could hire a nanny and go out to a fancy restaurant.



As with many blogs on privilege, I am choosing to use generalized examples of how privilege and discrimination work regarding childlessness.

Social acceptance:

• The childless do not regularly endure comments or behavioral censure (dirty looks, sighs, etc) for the presence or behavior of another person. Parents are expected to tolerate everything from "friendly advice" on parenting techniques to strangers yelling at their children.
• The childless do not frequently encounter requests to leave because they cannot control the behavior of another person or the perception of that behavior by onlookers. Parents are asked to leave because children are asking questions, shifting too much in chairs, or expressing their discomfort in the only form of communication they know (yeah, babies aren't much for dialog).
• The childless do not encounter places of business that refuse them service on the basis of "ambiance" or the "comfort" of other customers (just change "child" to "persons of color" and see how that feels).

  

  This reminds me of college, actually...

  (Note that these same places of business do not put restrictions on the noise levels of adults having boisterous conversation - yes, you are annoying, too - nor do they ban alcohol drinkers on the basis of the poor behavior of a few drunk patrons.) I don't support restaurant bans, but I do support parents using common sense when visiting restaurants. I also understand the psychological angst of desperately wanting to get out of the house, not having a choice in where to eat, being dismayed that a child is much more tired/grumpy/hungry then you thought, then being caught having placed an order but the kid needs food now and the server is avoiding the chaos so you can't ask for a simple pack of crackers and the snack you packed has already been eaten and just bring the food already!
• The childless have never had to decide to spend additional money while traveling to make a gift bag as a pre-apology to other guests or travelers for "bad" (aka, age-appropriate) behavior. On the other hand, responses to the idea are informative and amusing, by turns.
• The childless have not had realistic behaviors prohibited at or around their own homes. Parents, however, may be (illegally) asked to not allow their children to play outside their own apartment.

Psychological toll:

• The childless likely never have to worry if the behavior of another person will cause them to have a negative interaction with law enforcement or government agencies. Parents can face criminal charges due to their children's behavior, the perceptions of the dangers their children face, and even due to third parties doing injury to their children (negligence - when you just gotta charge someone for something involving a child).
• The childless probably do not have to juggle watching another person to monitor their behavior AND watching strangers for negative behavior against that other person. Parents feel the pressure to attempt to control (attempt but never fully succeed) their kids while at the same time trying to protect those children against attacks, random violence, more violence, invasive... I don't even know what this is, random attacks, random playground assaults, and much more.
• The childless will likely not make decisions to engage (or not) in an activity based on whether they believe they have the energy to care for another person during the activity OR based on whether they can handle the psychological stress of being judged on the basis of another person's behaviors. I spent the first six years as a parent virtually unable to leave the house with my children without the company of another adult to help. Even now, the experience can be so daunting that I would rather miss out on experiences than deal with my children. I had the opportunity to see Aretha Franklin live, but her performance was after my kids' bedtime. We left the venue before she performed.

  

  This child just wants to be in his own bed,
  and the mom wants him there, too. Guaranteed.
  

• The childless will never have to abort a task due to another person's behavior and the public perception of that behavior. Parents have all had that moment. I remember when my son melted down five minutes from being on the way home after a 15 minute speed-shopping trip, and I had delayed getting groceries for several days anyways so we had next to nothing to eat, and if he could just make it through check out I would cry all the way home with him because there's nothing that will help until the safety of home is reached, and don't think about trying to juggle the groceries and crying baby while climbing the stairs to the apartment cuz the elevator is still broken... But that stranger giving me a dirty look? Yeah, that makes everything all better.

Financial toll:

• The childless are unlikely to have expenses relating to be able to work that may make it financially ineffective to work. Those with children must pay childcare expenses, which are frequently cost-prohibitive to holding lower-paying jobs.
• The childless will not be required to pay additional costs for appropriate housing for their family. (Note: it is illegal for landlords to charge parents with young children additional rent or security deposits, but there are loopholes that they can use to increase the costs or deny renting entirely.)

  

  I can eat this, right? No!So, it's to eat, right? NO!I can eat it now? Gahhhrgh! Fine, yes.

• The childless will not be denied apartment rental or financial loans for buying a house. Parents are considered less financially stable, particularly during the mother's maternity leave.
• The childless are not advised to refrain from talking about their family during a job interview for fear that they may not be hired due to having "too many familial obligations". 
• The childless are not inhibited in progressing within their careers due to stereotyping of work ethic. Studies do not support the idea that employees with families and young children are a liability to employers. In fact, some suggest that the opposite is true.

 

Crime and Punishment: Autism

My son received an educational verification of ASD while in the Headstart program. He is currently in 3rd grade and I have actively participated in his IEP meetings, providing information and making recommendations. In the last few meetings, it had been brought up that he requires more challenges to keep from being bored. The recommendation that he be placed in a higher reading group was dismissed on the basis that he "wouldn't be able to catch up with the grammar". I was not happy with this, but felt it could be readdressed later.

Additionally, last year, my son's stimming behavior manifested in destructive clothes chewing. I personally researched solutions to this problem and purchased a necklace designed to accommodate chewing and "fiddling" for ASD persons. The necklace was confiscated at least twice by school staff because he was chewing and fiddling with it, despite his attempts to explain. He became paranoid about them taking the necklaces and stopped taking them to school.

Wednesday, I received a letter explaining that my son was being suspended indefinitely due to his "tearing pages from several text and reading books". When I asked him about this (because that is NOT something he normally does), he said he gets bored and jittery and tears small pieces out of the corners of pages. Upon further discussion, he said he would like to have the necklaces again.

Meanwhile, I have been trying to get a hold of the school principal to set up the meeting that we have to have before my son can get back to school. It's Thursday and I am still waiting to find out if I can (maybe) get a meeting on Monday. I did get the school counselor, who gave me the run-around and hung up on me when I protested the school's callousness towards my son's ASD issues. I eventually called the superintendent, who is trying to get us the late morning meeting on Monday.

I have tried to explain stimming and the need for challenging material in my son's IEP meetings several times. I have provided non-invasive methods for him to deal with his stimming urges and the staff saw fit to take away his property without the benefit of the doubt. His teacher and most of the staff seem to be completely ignorant of the idea that he would need something different than the other students, despite these same people being responsible for and (often) participating in his IEP planning meetings. His IEP seems to focus ONLY on activities and such that pull him from the regular class with NO solid plan or methods for dealing with him in the regular class. He has a different teacher for his reading class, who seems to have even less understanding of him.

The Womb-Shield Meditation: Taking shelter in the original shelter

The concept of the womb-shield came about from a discussion on my podcast, Pagan Musings. The idea is that you are protected and loved in the womb, but you are not separate from those who love you. You can still interact. It isn't a barrier to your needs. Like the womb, a womb-shield feeds you and keeps you warm and safe. You can interact with those around you (just don't actually kick them!).



Let's begin:

Close your eyes. Breathe deeply, through your nose. Relax your arms and legs. Relax your shoulders. Relax the muscles on your head and face. Relax your spine.

You are in the dark. There is no light, no sound, no feeling. You are perfectly safe, held close by the dark. You are warm and comfortable, floating in the dark. Take a moment to experience this.

You notice a sound, low and soft and rhythmic. It pulses out a steady beat, growing louder and becoming more clear. You recognize the sound. It is the heartbeat of the Earth Goddess. The sound matches the beat in your own chest, pulsing your lifebeat.

The sound gives you power. It makes you strong and healthy. It takes away pains and wounds, toxins and fatigue. You feel the lazy power of the lion, the motionless strength of the sequoia. It moves through your arms and legs, infusing the muscles there. Take a moment to experience this.

You notice a light growing around you, red and soft, the color of love. It glows warmly, showing what lay in the dark. There are soft, warm walls traced with veins. The blood pulses in them in time to the heartbeat in your ears. Your world is safe, full of love, made of the Mother. Nothing can hurt you here, surrounded by one who loves you. Take a moment to experience this.

You feel the power of the heartbeat flowing in you. You see the womb walls surrounding you, keeping you safe from all harm.

Now, the womb slowly becomes transparent. You can see the larger world around you, people, objects, everything. But you can still see the veins of your womb world if you look closely. The sounds of your surroundings become clear, but you can still hear the heartbeat if you listen closely.

Now, you leave the meditation, slowly coming back to the here and now. As you move through your day, if you concentrate, you can see and hear the womb around you still, protecting you from all harm.

In Sickness and in Health

I am recovering.

Until the blood tests indicate otherwise, I am going with the doctor's assessment: I came down with West Nile. I have one of the modern plagues, a viral boogeyman.

I have learned from this.

It is easy to keep going when you are healthy. And despite certain physical issues, I have been blessed with great health in the form of high immunity and general constitution. My health allows me to keep up a high level of activity, a high endurance for industriousness, which allows me to keep my family on a track of life quality and potential that would normally be just out of reach.

I have pride in this accomplishment.

The times that I am laid low by illness, I gain a perspective that puts the goodness of my life into clarity. I see how my family works when all of my plotting and planning keeps us going. I see how the stockpile of resources prevents lack. I benefit from the efforts of advancing the family unit in the form of a husband's health insurance and sick time to care for me.

The gods have blessed me with health. And this week, they blessed me with sickness.

Letters to my brother, 1

I was watching 30 Days tonight. It is a tv series by the guy, Morgan, who did "Super Size Me". He has people (including himself) going into lives that they are opposed to or unfamiliar with, and living in that life for 30 days.
Tonight, I watched an episode where Morgan goes to prison for 30 days. It was really hard to watch it. There are so many things I don't agree with about the current U.S. prison system. He talked about the lack of any real productive options for spending time during the day-to-day. I hope you have more options than just reading and watching tv.
I think the hardest part, for me, is that I want to do something to help - you and others - but what kinds of things could I do? I don't have the finances to send a lot of things, or to make trips to visit. It's very frustrating.
I'm thinking of doing a regular lesson session with the kids to teach them our beliefs, mainly focusing on the Heathen Virtues (Heathenry being the Norse/Viking religion). It's what Stormie mostly follows, and I really like the values that it focuses on.
We would have to start with my favorite Virtue, responsibility. In Heathenry, you are judged by your actions, and your value as a member of society is based on your reputation. Consistent behavior becomes who you are, spiritually (they call it a person's Wyrd - rhymes with bird, or sounds like weird, depending on who's pronouncing it). Also, it is up to the individual to make right any wrong doings. This feeds right in to my teaching the kids that saying sorry is only half of it; you also have to do your best to fix it, and change your behavior.
I may just blog out the lessons, first, to get all my chaotic thoughts in order prior to doing it, but that smacks of procrastination. I've been so swamped with Farmer's Market, work, making brisket for Hay Days, back-to-school, etc., it seems like I'm busting my ass and not getting anything done.
Speaking of Hay Days, it was the 6th and we took the kids on the rides. Logan told Dharma that there was a shark in the ball pit of the fun house. He forgot to specify that it was a picture and she got scared and had to go back. The lady refunded her tickets and we talked Dharma into trying again. She was so afraid of the ball pit (it was pretty deep for her - about 2 ft deep), but she made it through with lots of encouragement. We were very proud of her for facing her fears like that. Parenting win!
Logan is in 3rd grade; he's doing really well this year. His teacher is older and doesn't seem to be as obsessed with the little things, so he's getting along much better this year. He reads at a 4th grade level (prolly higher, but the reading classes only go up to level 4 in 3rd grade) and he's picking up math pretty well. I think he prefers science class overall. His eye surgery (#3!) went well and he's not to wear glasses for the next month.
Dharma is in her 2nd year of preschool. She got a mohawk (just like brother!) and it's so adorable. We call her punk baby. She is doing really well after her oral surgery. Hopefully, the kids are done with their tooth issues for awhile (both had soft enamel, a hereditary thing - I'm blaming Mom lol).
Stormie is waiting on his next raise in QA. He has such adventures at work. Tonight, he got cut by a tooth from one of the cows. I accused him of getting bitten by a zombie. Haha! Once, he reached out and caught a knife that one of the employees was using to try to stab a supervisor. He probably saved the guy's life. Stormie got written up, of course - safety violation and all. At least he was wearing metal mesh gloves, so he only got a little nick on his hand.
I'm still baking like a mad woman, making jams and jellies, and working at the coffee shop. I'll be doing edits on the cookbook this week, between artisan bread, baguettes and (maybe) pretzels. Then, pics for the cookbook. I don't know if you are interested in hearing about the foods I'm making, but I'll go into more detail if you want (with pics). I've been experimenting with a lot of different foods.
The Farmer's Market is going well this year. I've had two weeks of making over $40, which is pretty good for my small selection. We have 5 peach trees fruiting this year. Since we don't use chemical sprays, we can actually go out, pick a peach and take a bite. Some gardeners have asked us if we have pest bugs, but we have so many snakes, spiders and preying mantises that take care of those, we haven't had a problem.
Well, I think you are pretty well caught up. Let me know if I can get you something specific. Love you, and be safe and well.

Joy to the World: The Pagans Sing!

There are so many songs for Christians during the holiday season, but something struck me about some of these songs. They are really about the God, not just the Christian God. I know many people filk these songs for Pagan viewpoints, but I am going to do a Pagan analysis of Joy to the World to show that busting out into song during this season doesn't have to mean memorizing a whole new set of lyrics. Enjoy!

Joy to the World Lyrics 

Joy to the World , the Lord is come!
The God, the Lord of the Sun, is very present at this time.
Let earth receive her King;
Let's capitalize that Earth to show that She is Mother birthing her Lord son-lover.
Let every heart prepare Him room,
Get ready for the rebirth of the Sun and the Lord of the Grains...Spring is comin'!
And Heaven and nature sing,
Heaven is the sky, where the Sun lives. Nature is both Mother and the flora and fauna over which the God presides.
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing.

Joy to the World, the Savior reigns!
This references the Holly King's sovereignty coming to an end. The Oak King, who "saves" us from perpetual winter has returned to claim His throne.

Let men their songs employ;
Celebrate! Party on!
While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains
Fields are where the God will grow for the Harvest. Floods generally happen in spring, when the snows melt. Everything else represents the whole of Nature.
Repeat the sounding joy,
Nature echos the celebrations of humankind, welcoming the Oak King.
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat, repeat, the sounding joy.

No more let sins and sorrows grow,
If we look at "sin" as a violation of Nature or unkindness, then this is saying "Let's all be happy and forgive what has passed!"
Nor thorns infest the ground;
We would rather grow fruits and vegetables and grains, not thorny, inedibles.
He comes to make His blessings flow
A promise of the upcoming spring and future bounty of Harvest.
Far as the curse is found,
I would translate "curse" as the threat of unending winter and lack of food/Harvest. Essentially, these lines say that His light and promise of bounty/Harvest breaks the "curse" of barren Earth and endless Cold/Dark.
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as, the curse is found.

He rules the world with truth and grace,
The God does tend to be a Justice-giver, so this fits very nicely with that idea.
And makes the nations prove
What land or people would survive without the Harvest or the Sun?
The glories of His righteousness,
The God is an ideal manifesting high principles for proper conduct, an example of how we should treat each other and the Earth.
And wonders of His love,
Beltaine is coming! :-)
And wonders of His love,
And wonders, wonders, of His love.